Forced choice is a useful tool for a parent. Most parents are unaware of this tool and it may alleviate some headaches in your home.
When a child does not want to do something, try and use forced choice.
What is forced choice? Forced choice is giving a child two or three specific options to chose from. By providing the parameters, the child is more likely to make a decision. With parenting, you would deliver choices that you can enforce and are comfortable with providing.
Examples of forced choice:
- A child does not want to eat any vegetables. Use forced choice by allowing the child to chose either broccoli or green beans. Either way they are eating a vegetable.
- A child is refusing to sit down. Use forced choice by allowing the child to chose to sit in either the red chair or the blue chair. Either way they are sitting down.
- A child does not want to do their homework. Use forced choice by allowing them to chose if they want to complete math first or reading first. Either way they are doing homework
- A child does not want to leave a party. Provide the forced choice of leaving ‘now’ or setting a timer for five more minutes with the stipulation that they need to be ready to leave when the timer goes off.
The importance of forced choice is that it eliminates the power struggle between parent and child. This technique also gives the child some level of choice and freedom.
In order for the technique to be effective, the parent needs to maintain a level of calm and walk away when frustrated.
- Present the two choices and explain that you will return for the decision.
- When you walk away, use that time to decompress and regain composure so that you do not exhibit your frustration and anger.
- For instance, the child is refusing to put their shoes on to leave. In order to use forced choice, you would try to remain calm and give them the option of wearing one of two sets of shoes. You would say ‘It’s your choice, I’ll be right back to find out which ones you’ve chosen’. In the interim you may find that the child has not only chosen shoes but may have them on.
- By giving the child that sense of control, there is more likelihood for acceptance and compliance of the directive.
- It is by no means 100% effective but it is a handy tool to use.
- If the child outright refuses both options, repeat the options and walk away again.
- If the child continues to refuse, present other options with possible consequences.
